Goodbye, Dad

Calvin Floyd Zimmer, Jr. (July 13, 1946 - January 17, 2009), my father, died unexpectedly Saturday night of a massive heart attack. I haven't blogged about it sooner because I have been dealing with so many crazy emotions and thoughts. I still am actually, but thought it was about time - so here you have it. In my early years, Dad was a great father. I have many good memories of my early childhood. I remember him taking just me out to breakfast, and taking me rabbit hunting. I remember all our fun summers of camping and fishing. One time, he and another man, Gary Patraw, took me and Shelly (a friend) camping - no one else. Times like that made me feel special. He let me help him build our front porch.He played ball with me. He always seemed to like having me around. But Dad made some bad choices. He bought a tavern; he had affairs; he stole some things; he lied; he left. Dad started another family, and I have 2 half-sisters that I loved being with whenever I went to visit my father. Dad was a good father to them. He was there for them until the end. Dad never met my husband or children. I hadn't seen him since the summer before I got married - 8 1/2 years ago. I have no assurance that I will ever see him again, but I dearly hope so. I desparately hope that Dad had enough time to trust God as his Savior. We had talked about it many times - but my Dad had a hard time with forgiveness, mainly forgiving himself. I know that "God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." And I know that God is always faithful. So I hope that I will see my father again someday...but I don't know. And I hope that I never have to see another loved one die without knowing they have trusted in the Lord.